Look at the stars
by flipmeforward
Summary: Sebastian is having a hard time and Kurt tries to be there for him. Warning for character death (not Kurt or Sebastian).


Kurt wakes up to the sound of Sebastian throwing up in the bathroom for the fourth day in a row after the phone call. He gets out of bed, walks into the bathroom, kneels by Sebastian's side and rubs his back, making shushing noises.

He doesn't say anything. He knows, he of all people _knows_ that there are no words for this situation. He just sits there, silently, until Sebastian flushes the toilet and sits back heavily on his heels, rubbing the back of his hand over his tear-streaked face. Kurt pulls him in for a hug, his heart breaking as his fiancé sobs against his chest, and there is nothing he can do to make this any better.

"You want to go back to bed?" he asks softly, threading his fingers in the soft hairs on Sebastian's neck. Sebastian pulls back, drawing a shaky breath and nodding. Kurt stands up and reaches out a hand to help Sebastian up, which he takes gratefully.

They've both had the last four days off, family leave, and while Kurt has to be back by next week, he's not sure when Sebastian will be able to go back. They've spent the days lounging around, Sebastian mostly sleeping and Kurt watching bad daytime TV in between trying to get his fiancé to eat something. Kurt answers all of their phones, handing it over only when Sebastian's father is on the line, and not even all of those times. Kurt talks to him about the funeral, and books their flight tickets, bracing himself for telling Sebastian and preparing for another wave of violent sobs.

"Do you want to postpone the wedding?" Kurt asks quietly late one night when they're curled up in bed, Sebastian's head cradled on Kurt's chest. Sure, it'll take a lot to cancel everything, but Kurt will do it in an instant if Sebastian says yes.

The reply takes so long that Kurt is starting to think Sebastian was asleep when he asked, but finally there's a hoarse "no" from him that makes Kurt's chest rumble.

"Okay," Kurt says, resuming his stroking of Sebastian's hair, confident that if Sebastian changes his mind, he'll tell Kurt.

Carole calls and offers her condolences, and Blaine comes by with a bag of groceries and a tight-lipped smile. Kurt is grateful, he really is, but no matter how much he tries, he can't focus on anything but his worry for Sebastian, and the conversations get stilted at best.

They fall behind on wedding preparations, naturally. Meetings have to be cancelled and rescheduled, and while Kurt is aware that this means they won't get exactly the wedding they wanted, he can't for the life of him understand why it even matters. He has Sebastian, Sebastian is _alive_, and Kurt gets to marry him, and everything else pales in comparison.

When Monday comes and Kurt has to get ready for work, he is at least relieved by the fact that he hasn't woken up to the sounds of hurling for the last two days. He dresses in silence and fixes his breakfast, forcing himself to eat, and before he leaves he walks back into the bedroom. He leaves the lights off and kneels by Sebastian's side of the bed, stroking Sebastian's hair gently until he opens one eye and squints at Kurt.

"Are you going to be okay by yourself?" Kurt asks, tracing the dark circle under Sebastian's eye with the pad of his thumb. If he says no, Kurt will stay home, without question, and they both know that.

Sebastian looks at him like he's trying to understand what Kurt says, as if Kurt is speaking Russian instead of English. "I think so," he says eventually, reaching up to grab Kurt's wrist and place a kiss on the back of his hand. "I love you," he says, and Kurt's heart aches.

"I love you, too," he says, leaning in to kiss Sebastian's cheek. "So much. Call me if you need anything." Sebastian nods and closes his eyes again, so Kurt brushes his cheek one last time before he stands up and goes to deal with his life.

The funeral is a few days later and they fly out the day before. Sebastian's sister picks them up at the airport, and the drive to Sebastian's family house has never been so silent, has never felt so long. Sebastian walks straight into his father's arms when they arrive and stays there, leaving Kurt to deal with their bags.

Kurt doesn't mind, at all, because Sebastian did the same for him, and he knows that his fiancé needs all the comfort he can get from his one remaining parent right now. No matter how much Kurt tries to be enough, he can't be everything.

He helps Sebastian get dressed, ties his tie for him, and tries not to think about a month from now on, when they'll both be in black suits again. He kisses him and strokes his cheek, then takes his hand and leads him downstairs.

Sebastian doesn't cry during the ceremony. He sits still and rigid the whole time, his face completely devoid of any emotion, and Kurt would be worried if his own hand wasn't clutched in an iron-tight grip. When they stand up to go and pay their last respects, he discreetly flexes his hand to get the blood flowing, then takes Sebastian's hand again and tangles their fingers together. Sebastian gives him a small, grateful smile, only for a second, then he goes back to being expressionless.

Kurt watches him carefully during the service afterwards, standing in one corner with Sebastian's niece on his hip while Sebastian accepts condolences and shakes the hands of his relatives and family friends. He still hasn't cried all day, and his lips are pressed together tight. Kurt sees the exact moment he starts to lose it; his eyes start twitching and his smile turns even tighter.

"Hey, Sarah?" Kurt murmurs, stroking the three-year old's hair and smoothing out her dress. "How about we go and hug uncle Sebastian, huh?"

She nods solemnly and wraps her arms tighter around Kurt's neck. She's young, but she understands that her grandmother is dead, and more than that, she understands that all the adults around her are sad.

Kurt walks them over, smiling at Sebastian when he sees them, and hands over Sarah without a word. She immediately clutches to his neck, hugging him hard, and Sebastian looks confused for a second before smiling, the tension leaving his face and shoulders if only for a moment.

"Hey sweetie," he says, leaning over to place a kiss on Kurt's cheek.

"Are you okay?" Kurt asks, sliding his arm around Sebastian's waist. He gets a shrug in return. Kurt figures that he can't ask for more than that.

After the funeral, Sebastian deals. That's the only word Kurt can come up with for it. He goes back to work, eventually, gets through his days, and doesn't break down again.

Kurt gets home late two days before the wedding, and for the first time in weeks, there's music playing in the apartment. He makes his way into the living room and finds his soon-to-be husband sitting on the floor in front of their stereo, staring down at a vinyl record cover.

"Hey," Kurt says, crossing the floor until he's standing beside him. Sebastian looks up at him.

"Hey." He reaches up for Kurt's hand and tangles their fingers together. "Can we—I know it's short notice, but can we play this on Saturday?" He waves the cover a little. Kurt grabs it and looks at it, then listens closer to the song currently playing.

"This?" he asks, lifting his hand to indicate the music. Sebastian nods.

"It was one of her favorites."

Kurt hums. He knows the song, and he has no doubts that Rachel and Blaine know it, too, and will be able to play it. The programs for the ceremony are already printed and can't be changed, but honestly, it's not like it matters. Kurt sits down next to Sebastian and leans his head against his shoulder, glad to finally have some part of him back.

"Sure," he says. Sebastian slides his arm around Kurt's waist and hugs him.

"Thanks."

Two days later, they're standing outside a pair of frosted glass doors. They can barely make out the people seated at the venue, but they know who's there, and who's not. Sebastian's father is standing between them, the only one remaining out of four. He smiles at them both, and it's a little tight, but not at all forced, and Kurt smiles back. He reaches for Sebastian's hand and squeezes it, just before the music starts. Rachel's voice filters out through the door, along with the notes from Blaine's keyboard, and Kurt's heart starts beating wildly. This is it.

"Are you ready?" Sebastian's father asks, looking between them. Kurt catches Sebastian's eyes and smiles.

"Yes," they both say in unison.

They are so, _so_ ready.


End file.
